Comments on: The Best Kids Reward: A Private Date with Mom or Dad http://www.kidshousekeeping.com/motivational-music/question-from-kendra-private-dates Fun, proven & effective kids housekeeping Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:07:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Becky Mohr http://www.kidshousekeeping.com/motivational-music/question-from-kendra-private-dates/comment-page-1#comment-7 Becky Mohr Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:48:40 +0000 http://www.kidshousekeeping.com/?p=118#comment-7 I am a mother of five, ages 4-25. I know this is not officially a 'date' but it is in the same subject line and I hope it will be helpful to others in my situation. I am far from a perfect parent and I have learned this lesson over time with the help of a child whose needs demanded a lot of personal growth in me. I have a HIGHLY social 4 year old who is my only child at home. He was a late in life baby and is 11 years behind his youngest sibling... all girls. One to three of his sisters was home during his first two years so when they all moved out or started high school, his HIGH NEED for interaction was DRAINING when suddenly it was just myself and him at home all day. I have an in home business and it was virtually impossible to get work done at this stage. I believe strongly that a child benefits greatly from learning 'happy solitude' no matter what his personality and to entertain himself PRODUCTIVELY. I have gradually stretched our son in this ability over the past two years and he is doing WONDERFULLY with it. It makes SUCH a TREMENDOUS difference in our day when I practice being ALL THERE when he comes to me and asks: "What do you want to do, Mom?" This is a CHOICE for me because it doesn't come naturally for my goal oriented personality. If I immediately take just 10 minutes to put on his four year old passion in my activity with him with an 'I'm ALL HERE focus' ... he will subsequently entertain himself constructively for long periods in between. It is the FOCUSED ATTENTION to his need for interaction that makes the difference. Because I want to be his role model, I have resisted the temptation to load him down with friends to make things easier for myself ... other four year olds cannot train and are never the behavior models that I want for his PRIMARY role modeling. It has also been necessary to limit his TV to one movie a week which has been a hard choice for me. But with his personality he becomes addicted to the audio-visual and then combative in lobbying about it if I give him more than that... he wants it all the time and this, I know, is not healthy for his development. I give him moderate time with friends through the week with play dates and 'park' time, but the thing which has helped me the most in parenting his needs is those 10 minute dates with him through the day which seem to have enabled him to become independent in entertaining himself [usually in the same room where I am working/writing]. He is ALL BOY and VERY strong willed, yet he has gotten into LESS mischief than my more compliant girls did, I feel in part because I did not GIVE myself to this practice with them [and partly because there's only ONE of him to devise mischief]. He is intensely passionate and sensitive and I've had to learn a whole new style of parenting to help him gain control of himself when he is disappointed or angry. The BONDING which this practice of having 'be all there moments' has produced has also played a vital role in my ability to train him to comply willingly without a major meltdown when it comes time to go in a direction/ do an activity that he doesn't want to do. I am thrilled with the effectiveness of this positive focused, parental attention and I TOTALLY TRACK WITH YOUR USE OF THIS AS THE ULTIMATE GIFT TO A CHILD. I am a mother of five, ages 4-25. I know this is not officially a ‘date’ but it is in the same subject line and I hope it will be helpful to others in my situation. I am far from a perfect parent and I have learned this lesson over time with the help of a child whose needs demanded a lot of personal growth in me. I have a HIGHLY social 4 year old who is my only child at home. He was a late in life baby and is 11 years behind his youngest sibling… all girls. One to three of his sisters was home during his first two years so when they all moved out or started high school, his HIGH NEED for interaction was DRAINING when suddenly it was just myself and him at home all day. I have an in home business and it was virtually impossible to get work done at this stage. I believe strongly that a child benefits greatly from learning ‘happy solitude’ no matter what his personality and to entertain himself PRODUCTIVELY. I have gradually stretched our son in this ability over the past two years and he is doing WONDERFULLY with it. It makes SUCH a TREMENDOUS difference in our day when I practice being ALL THERE when he comes to me and asks: “What do you want to do, Mom?” This is a CHOICE for me because it doesn’t come naturally for my goal oriented personality. If I immediately take just 10 minutes to put on his four year old passion in my activity with him with an ‘I’m ALL HERE focus’ … he will subsequently entertain himself constructively for long periods in between. It is the FOCUSED ATTENTION to his need for interaction that makes the difference. Because I want to be his role model, I have resisted the temptation to load him down with friends to make things easier for myself … other four year olds cannot train and are never the behavior models that I want for his PRIMARY role modeling. It has also been necessary to limit his TV to one movie a week which has been a hard choice for me. But with his personality he becomes addicted to the audio-visual and then combative in lobbying about it if I give him more than that… he wants it all the time and this, I know, is not healthy for his development. I give him moderate time with friends through the week with play dates and ‘park’ time, but the thing which has helped me the most in parenting his needs is those 10 minute dates with him through the day which seem to have enabled him to become independent in entertaining himself [usually in the same room where I am working/writing]. He is ALL BOY and VERY strong willed, yet he has gotten into LESS mischief than my more compliant girls did, I feel in part because I did not GIVE myself to this practice with them [and partly because there's only ONE of him to devise mischief]. He is intensely passionate and sensitive and I’ve had to learn a whole new style of parenting to help him gain control of himself when he is disappointed or angry. The BONDING which this practice of having ‘be all there moments’ has produced has also played a vital role in my ability to train him to comply willingly without a major meltdown when it comes time to go in a direction/ do an activity that he doesn’t want to do. I am thrilled with the effectiveness of this positive focused, parental attention and I TOTALLY TRACK WITH YOUR USE OF THIS AS THE ULTIMATE GIFT TO A CHILD.

]]> By: jody rudd http://www.kidshousekeeping.com/motivational-music/question-from-kendra-private-dates/comment-page-1#comment-6 jody rudd Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:25:48 +0000 http://www.kidshousekeeping.com/?p=118#comment-6 Dear Christine, Thank you for this blog about ideas for private dates! This was my biggest concern since we have 6 children and it's simply not practical to take them out each time they earn the points. Wonderful suggestions! Thank you for sharing! Dear Christine,

Thank you for this blog about ideas for private dates! This was my biggest concern since we have 6 children and it’s simply not practical to take them out each time they earn the points. Wonderful suggestions! Thank you for sharing!

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